One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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