My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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