pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
