Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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