just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
