No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
