Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
