i just google imaged poop.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
