There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
