is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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