I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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