I didn't shave. On purpose
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
