apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
