You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
