i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
