apparently the secret to your success is patron
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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