I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize