So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
