I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
