There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
