We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
