Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
