U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
