The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
