you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
