I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
