using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
