don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
