And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
