Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
