I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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