Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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