He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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