I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
