didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
