he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
