i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
