Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
