you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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