he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
