I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I don't deserve a penis
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I AM VODKA MAN
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
