I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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