I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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