I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize