haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
