It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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