Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
