Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
