he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
