I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize