i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
