but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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