some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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