I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
