I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
