Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
this hospital has no fireball
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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