I'm eating all of the evidence.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
