It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
