so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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