I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Every concussion has its silver lining
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
