when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
