Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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