Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
