When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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