the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
