you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
