Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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